Some dark and optimistic thoughts(what a paradox!)

I have always been fascinated by what happened between the Christ and Simon-Peter ( « Peter » the Apostle, the founder of his church). Peter loved the Christ like nobody else and still betrayed him.
How can you betray someone you love ? This always has been a puzzle for me.

Once the Christ told Peter "Peter, before the cock crows you will deny me three times.". peter did not react. It seemed for him to be impossible to betray the Christ.

But he did it.

The Christ asked Peter :
"Simon, do you love me more than these? You said you did. You said you would never betray me, even though they would. Yet you betrayed me. Now tell me, Simon, do you love me more than these?" "Lord, you know that I love you."

Again, Christ asks, "Simon, do you love me more than these?" "Lord, you know that I love you."

And Peter, despite his infinite love for the Christ, and his commitment to his love, betrayed his beloved God.

Later on Peter refused to deny his love for the Christ and he was crucified upside down on an x-shaped cross, according to church tradition because he told his tormentors that he felt unworthy to die in the same way as Jesus Christ had died.

In a certain way he expiated his betrayal.

Why some people could be unfaithful or disloyal, even if it goes against their principles and values ?

I put loyalty, faithfulness, reliability as major values in my mind.
But was does it mean to be unfaithful ? Is it only by the acts or by the intentions ? Those are very hard questions to answer.
Intentions are not innocent because the gap between intentions and the acts is so small. It is so easy to fall into it.

What is faithfulness ?

Faithfulness is persisting, even when you want to quit,even when no one is there to cheer you on.It is keeping your promises, even when you feel like bailing. Faithfulness is stepping out in trust, even when you don't see it.

We are not perfect in this world and could be tempted to be unfaithful to someone or not loyal even if the word does not come to our mind when we act – even in our intentions- in an unfaithful or a disloyal way.

And there is nothing that hurts more than unfaithfulness in the intentions because the « betrayed » one never knows if it will become one day a reality or not. If I have the proof that he or she intended to be unfaithful, why would not he or she make it happen one day ?
Trust is then questioned.

Then, how do you get back to a trustful status?

Frank Cane once said « You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment if you don't trust enough. »

Not trusting enough is the ultimate pain. A hard reality is better than doubts. Doubts just kill you from the inside.

According to me the best way to get rid off doubts is to speak, communicate. Silence brings more doubts. Communicating is the first move. It assumes honesty.
Buddha used to say « Words have the power to both destroy and heal. When words are both true and kind, they can change our world. »
It is so hard to communicate but it opens so many doors ! Silence closes them all.

But communicating, even if it is essential, it is not enough. Acts should follow. Two people build up trust by communicating and acting in the direction they both chose to take. Every step towards that direction until the goal is reached should be validated and approved by both. The goal is never reached but the fact that both approach it in a very close way is the key for happiness.

Two people also build trust by forgiving. Forgiving is such an art ! You need to be so strong to be able to forgive !

The glory of Christianity is to conquer by forgiveness. But it is so hard to forgive when you have in your mind sources of resentment. Why did he or she lied to me ? Why did he or she intended to betray me ?

When do sources of resentment disappear ? How do they disappear ?

I think they disappear from kindness.

Constant kindness can accomplish much. As the sun makes ice melt, kindness causes misunderstanding, mistrust, and hostility to evaporate.
It is never too late to give up our prejudices. With a little time, and a little more insight, we begin to see both ourselves and our enemies in humbler profiles. We are not really as innocent as we felt when we were first hurt. And we do not usually have a gigantic monster to forgive; we have a weak, needy, and somewhat stupid human being. When you see your enemy and yourself in the weakness and silliness of the humanity you share, you will make the miracle of forgiving a little easier.

We should see our beloved partner in the following way :
« I'm glad that you too make mistakes. It shows the essence of your humanity much more than any of your daily good deeds. I love you so much more for it than if you were an ideal, yet cold and inhuman person whose judgement never failed. »

I believe that unarmed truth and unconditional love
will have the final word in reality. Patience, forgiveness and kindness will succeed in defeating resentment and lack of trust.

« I can forgive, but I cannot forget », is only another way of saying, « I will not forgive ». Forgiveness ought to be like a canceled note - torn in two, and burned up, so that it never can be shown against one.
Mother Theresa said : »If you judge people, you have no time to love them. »

Once we realize that imperfect understanding is the human condition, there is no shame in being wrong, only in failing to correct our mistakes. That is why the stairway to full trust and love is such a difficult one. It does not come from one person only but from both of them working on themselves and going in the same direction.

As Gandhi once said, « We must become the change we want to see. »